My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
