I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
