Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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