did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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