she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
