Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
