found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
