We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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