Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
