Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
