Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
