I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
