i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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