I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
zippers are such a cool invention
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
