After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
