i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
