I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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