Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
