that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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