how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
