The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Is it because I queefed?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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