You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
whose ass print is on the piano?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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