I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
