I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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