I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
