my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
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i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
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Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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