this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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