I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
