So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
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I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
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Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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