is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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