Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
