she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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