8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
