and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize