I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
