I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
