How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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