I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
