epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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