So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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