My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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