This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
