also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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