I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
