my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
