and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
