My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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