I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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