Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
