You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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