Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Are we still banned from the library?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
