I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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