I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
