You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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