walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You need a sexual gate keeper
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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