plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
