He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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