i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
