So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
