omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
