My first STD was from a foam party
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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