you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
