wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
