This is not my ceiling
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
is wine microwaveable?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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