Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
