I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize