I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
