y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
